Britney Spears and the elections

Editor's Note: Commedienne Pam Stone writes her column for The Tryon Daily Bulletin twice each month from her office in the "Unabomber Shack" on her Gowensville farm. Want a chance to respond to this column? Go to Pam’s blog at www.tryondailybulletin.com.

Perhaps you were as mesmerized as I during the recent elections.
As if primed to spend a long evening watching a great movie, Paul and I had purchased a six-pack and a couple of bags of those fabulous, Shlotzski's cracked pepper and salt potato chips. First, the dribble of victorious democratic-won House seats began to come into Brian William's teleprompter as well as a couple of Senate seats. Vote totals were close, the tension was palpable.

As Democrats appeared to be gaining, Ken Mehlman began to show a chink in his confident armor during a Fox News interview. Ann Coulter was said to be coloring her roots black in a show of mourning, then the unthinkable happened: across all three network news desks flashed:

Britney Spears was filing for divorce from her husband, K-Fed. Or, as he is now referred to in some circles, Fed-Ex.

This is considered news in America. News so important that it was worth breaking into live, election night coverage. A sweep of one political party by another, bringing an abrupt, philosophical, change to approaches regarding Iraq, foreign and domestic policy, is trumped by the fact that, evidently, K-Fed, the man who nonchalantly has spread his seed like a fevered rainbird, has simply been unable to fulfill Britney's dream of domestic bliss.

We have only ourselves to blame. While they be trashy or fluffy, addictive shows like "Desperate Housewives," "Dancing With The Stars" and "American Idol" draw tens of millions of viewers, meanwhile, the best Brian Williams, host of the highest rated network news program can hope for, is around eight million. This means the majority of us are uniformed. Don't believe me? Just for kicks, the next time you're standing in line at the DMV, strike up a conversation with the stranger behind you. Tell them you're taking a survey and politely request if they can name two Supreme Court judges. Then ask them to name the Secretary of State. Finally, ask them the last three winners of "Survivor." I'll bet you a hundred bucks that you will receive one correct answer and it won't be from the first two questions.

Is it any wonder that network executives have given up chasing exclusively "hard" news? They've got to make money! They've got to show good ratings! There's only just so many of the demographic that begins to salivate at the endless commercials purchased by pharmaceutical companies. Network execs need new blood! And they've gotten it by turning the once sacred, hallowed halls of journalism into a softly-lit set that's much more like "Entertainment Tonight." CNN ditched the well respected Aaron Brown to move thirty-something, Anderson Cooper, into the spotlight. Perky Katy Couric perches upon Bob Schiffer's old chair. In England, each Wednesday, the BBC airs "Prime minister's Questions" where the opposing party cuts Tony Blair to shreds. People watch it! People love it! We've got coverage, too. It's called C-SPAN. It doesn't fare as well. Substantially less viewers than "Pimp My Ride" and reruns of "The Dukes of Hazzard."

Oh, well. Someone needs to care about Britney. It may as well be us.