How many storage units do we need?

When you live in a small town it's tremendously exciting when a new shop opens. My favorite bit is the dizzy anticipation and the jump-starting of the rumor mill:

"Did you hear what's gonna open next to the Dollar Store in Campobello? A Waffle House!"

"Now, that's not what I heard. I heard it was going to be a Hardee's."

(This is an actual conversation I was involved in, by the way. I don't have cable.)

"Well, the fella that did the grading said it was either going to be a Waffle House or a Subway."

"The guy that I talked to who poured the slab said it was going to be a Hardee's."

"Yeah, but if you look at the way it sits back and how the parking area is being graded, it's just like a Waffle House."

Paul and I were like tots with our noses pressed against the window, waiting for Santa, each time we drove past the area in question. We were dying for it to be a Waffle House.

There is nothing in the world better than a brand, spanking- new, Waffle House before the walls become stained with nicotine and there's so much grease on the menus that a fly has to attempt a landing like a nervous pilot on a storm-tossed aircraft carrier. Honest. I once saw a fly skid across a menu and crash into the saltshaker. It was just like Roller Derby.

So imagine our chagrin when what actually opened was another damned row of Storage Units. For Pete's Sake, how many Storage Units do we need in South Carolina?

Most people just keep all their stuff on their front porch, anyway. If they're particularly self-disciplined, it makes it to the yard and every now and then, it actually sits by the road where they know perfectly well it will never be picked up by anyone.

Don't believe me? Just drive down 14 on the way to Highway 9 and look to your right. There are two toilets that have sat there for years. I've actually grown rather fond of them and it adds a little seasoning when you give out-of-towners directions: "Lake Lure? Sure, go through Landrum, pass Brannon's on your left, pass the twin toilets on your right..."

If these people are thinking of actually moving here I'll add, rather wickedly, "you'll almost be there when you see a dead Chow-Pitbull mix on the left side of the road. It's been there since April. Probably still there. Enjoy your lunch!"
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