Attack of the ‘Gourd People’
Editor's Note: Commedienne Pam Stone writes her column for The Tryon Daily Bulletin twice each month from her office in the "Unabomber Shack" on her Gowensville farm. Want a chance to respond to this column? Go to Pam’s blog at www.tryondailybulletin.com.
Oh, Lord, it's that time of year again: attack of the Gourd People.
Don't get me wrong, I am, after all, a vegetarian and after seeing a photo of a traditional, Victorian, potager garden behind a thatched-roof cottage in Hampshire, I politely requested, all right, badgered, Paul into building me one. After phoning Amnesty International, weeping, and being informed that it wasn't convenient for anyone to offer him sanctuary, he consented. Besides heirloom tomatoes, bell peppers, herbs and strawberries there are the dreaded… zucchini.
That was Paul's fault. It's not that I particularly mind zucchini, it's just so... so, innocuous. Rather like Brie cheese. If you're at a cocktail party and there's lots of different cheeses on display, you're probably much more tempted by the Smoked Gouda or the English Stilton. If there's Brie, you think, "Well, all right. If there's nothing else." That's how I feel about zucchini.
I've never had a hankering (Dear God, did I just say 'hankering?' What next, 'varmint?') in mid-afternoon for zucchini. A garden ripe tomato, oh, you betcha. Vidalia onion? Just try and take one from me. But zucchini? Eh…
The problem is that I seem to be in a minority. The problem is that all my neighbors seem to relish growing zucchini. The problem is all my neighbors are hell-bent on giving what they can't eat (which is basically all of it) to me. It's gotten to the point that should I see them coming down my driveway, I dive behind the couch. That never works. They just stand there in the heat, noses pressed against the glass in my front door, arms wrapped around a crackling, brown paper bag splitting open with unwanted zukes and holler, "Pam? Pam? You in there? Hmmmm, guess not. Well, we'll just leave these in the barn." Locking up the barn did nothing to deter the gourd insurgents. I once came home from town and found three more bags in the front seat of the truck that was hooked up to the horse trailer and two more in the trailer. And I am dismally unsuccessful at giving them away. You'd think they were Dollar Store fruitcakes.
There's only one solution and, presently, I do have time on my hands to actually do it: I shall scoop them out and dry them, decorate them with glitter and a glue gun and it's "Merry Christmas, Neighbor!"
posted by The Curb Reporter @ 12:03 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
Zucchini will not dry and is not in the same family as decorator gourds. If you attempt to dry zucchini you will wind up with a stinky, mushy mess on your hands.
I would think that being the vegetarian you claim to be that you would have learned how to prepare zucchini into delicious dishes. One way of course is to make zucchini bread, adding pecans and it is better than banana bread.(many recipies on line for this) My favorite is to allow the zucchini to grow to a fairly large size, slice long ways in half, scoop out the seeds and dispose of them. Scoop out most of the meaty inside, leaving enough to allow the zucchini to still be firm. Chop the meaty portion, add onion, chopped,summer squash, chopped fine; tomatoes, fresh in season , canned will do, green pepper, chopped, red and yellow can be added for additional color if desired. Add garlic, oregano, anything of the spicy Italian nature that one would use in a good Italian sauce for spaghetti mix together then pour into the zucchini shell. Bake at 375 for 30-45 min( or until the shell is tender) Remove sprinkle generously on top with your favorite Italian cheese as one would use on pizza or spaghetti, place in oven on broil until cheese is melted, remove, slice and serve with a wonderful fresh green salad and Italian bread.
Now that is how to use the oversized zucchini you receive. They are good also if you slice into slices, dip in egg, coat in Mozzarella cheese and fry in olive oil until golden brown . (same as one does with eggplant)Freeze the remainder and add to your winter veggie soups.
Now your neighbors will wonder what you are doing with all these wonderfully , delicious veggies and when you give them the receipts then the zucchini supply will suddenly slow to a more usable trickle.
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