Britney Spears and the elections

Editor's Note: Commedienne Pam Stone writes her column for The Tryon Daily Bulletin twice each month from her office in the "Unabomber Shack" on her Gowensville farm. Want a chance to respond to this column? Go to Pam’s blog at www.tryondailybulletin.com.

Perhaps you were as mesmerized as I during the recent elections.
As if primed to spend a long evening watching a great movie, Paul and I had purchased a six-pack and a couple of bags of those fabulous, Shlotzski's cracked pepper and salt potato chips. First, the dribble of victorious democratic-won House seats began to come into Brian William's teleprompter as well as a couple of Senate seats. Vote totals were close, the tension was palpable.

As Democrats appeared to be gaining, Ken Mehlman began to show a chink in his confident armor during a Fox News interview. Ann Coulter was said to be coloring her roots black in a show of mourning, then the unthinkable happened: across all three network news desks flashed:

Britney Spears was filing for divorce from her husband, K-Fed. Or, as he is now referred to in some circles, Fed-Ex.

This is considered news in America. News so important that it was worth breaking into live, election night coverage. A sweep of one political party by another, bringing an abrupt, philosophical, change to approaches regarding Iraq, foreign and domestic policy, is trumped by the fact that, evidently, K-Fed, the man who nonchalantly has spread his seed like a fevered rainbird, has simply been unable to fulfill Britney's dream of domestic bliss.

We have only ourselves to blame. While they be trashy or fluffy, addictive shows like "Desperate Housewives," "Dancing With The Stars" and "American Idol" draw tens of millions of viewers, meanwhile, the best Brian Williams, host of the highest rated network news program can hope for, is around eight million. This means the majority of us are uniformed. Don't believe me? Just for kicks, the next time you're standing in line at the DMV, strike up a conversation with the stranger behind you. Tell them you're taking a survey and politely request if they can name two Supreme Court judges. Then ask them to name the Secretary of State. Finally, ask them the last three winners of "Survivor." I'll bet you a hundred bucks that you will receive one correct answer and it won't be from the first two questions.

Is it any wonder that network executives have given up chasing exclusively "hard" news? They've got to make money! They've got to show good ratings! There's only just so many of the demographic that begins to salivate at the endless commercials purchased by pharmaceutical companies. Network execs need new blood! And they've gotten it by turning the once sacred, hallowed halls of journalism into a softly-lit set that's much more like "Entertainment Tonight." CNN ditched the well respected Aaron Brown to move thirty-something, Anderson Cooper, into the spotlight. Perky Katy Couric perches upon Bob Schiffer's old chair. In England, each Wednesday, the BBC airs "Prime minister's Questions" where the opposing party cuts Tony Blair to shreds. People watch it! People love it! We've got coverage, too. It's called C-SPAN. It doesn't fare as well. Substantially less viewers than "Pimp My Ride" and reruns of "The Dukes of Hazzard."

Oh, well. Someone needs to care about Britney. It may as well be us.

Age or apathy?

I really must do something about my appearance.

At one time or another, we have probably all caught an unexpected reflection of ourselves in a shop window or bathroom mirror after two or more bulbs have burned out in the overhead fixture and thought, "Oh, Cripes! This is a case for Spackle!" My own moment came when, dressed in a crisp t-shirt and my beloved Carhart jeans, Don at the Hayrack mused, "You goin' somewhere special, Pam?" Because, to him, that was the best he'd ever seen me look!

What a far cry from my days in California… being in the entertainment industry and never knowing when an agent might call with a last minute audition, I rarely left the house without being 'camera-ready.' That could take some time, but having been on television sets for years, watching the makeup artists (and they really are artists, believe me!) slather on foundation and eye-shadow in less than ten minutes, I got it down to a quick procedure.

Even going to the barn I was immaculate. For nine years, each morning, my group of dressage buddies would step out of their Jags and Mercedes (I noticed they made a point of leaving at least a car-space between their cars and my '92 Trooper, as if it was riddled with some sort of viral infection) and stride across the stable yard in custom Koenigs and white (yes, white!) Polo shirts, mount their freshly groomed horses, being held by grooms, and ride out to the arena for our lessons. We were in full-training, competing furiously each summer at places that sound exotic now: Del Mar, Show Park, Rancho Santa Fe… we had a great time, worked hard, won good ribbons, and had more than a round or two of martinis with the rest of the riders and trainers each evening.

So what happened?

Insisting on keeping my horses at home is what happened. I tend to be rather "hands-on." Sure, I had kept my horses at home as a youth, but not since. And when you're that age, you don't really notice if you have hay in your hair or that both your palms are black from polishing your boots. Part of me thinks, "Well, who cares? I'm at that age where I'm simply comfortable with myself, dammit!" and then, as I ask the cash register girl at Bi-Lo to wait because I think I have correct change, besides the two pennies, I also pull out of my coat pocket a handful of shavings, a small braiding rubber band, and a rotten apple core, it gets pretty embarrassing.

"Never mind." I say to the girl, just knowing that she can smell the aroma of horse urine rising from the soles of my muck shoes.

"That's O.K." she replies, flatly.

I dress seriously because I ride seriously. I expect my students to do the same. It just seems that no matter how pristinely clean I feel when mounting up my first horse of the day, by around 3 p.m., strangers in town gently approach and ask me if I'd like to know where the local thrift store is located. My hair desperately needs a trim. My favorite baseball cap has one of those awful sweat stains that goes all the way around it. Don't even ask me about my nails.

I really must do something about my appearance – after I clean tack. And sweep the aisle. And pull Valentino's mane…

It's Christmas!... at the Dollar Store

I do love my local Dollar Store. It's clean, the employees are sunny and helpful and it's wonderfully convenient when I'm out of laundry soap, sponges or cat food.

Cleverly, the store puts its whimsical, "impulse buys" near the register. This includes snacks, drinks and ornaments, all tremendously inexpensive because, you guessed it, they're made in China. Before September began, Halloween decorations abounded, and before September was even through, up go the fiberoptic Christmas trees, Santa mugs and stockings. Children, tugging at the hands of "Nana," begin to tremble with anticipation like my Jack Russell when she sees a squirrel out the front window. Mothers shake their heads and say to those behind them in line, "I cannot believe how early they have this stuff out!" I cast a look of despair.

It didn't hit me until a few years ago when I realized how everything, everything, was made in China. The more I learned about the country, the more I could no longer simply shrug and say, "But what can you do? It's nearly impossible to find anything no
t made in China!" That's true, on the other hand, there are plenty of websites out there dedicated to American-made products if you're willing to take the time.

This isn't a rant against trade with China in general. I do understand, sadly, how businesses choose to survive. It's just, as a struggling Christian, (trust me, I ain't exactly levitating) how can I celebrate such a holy day by purchasing items that continue to fund and support a government that, well, let me give you this quote from an editorial from Christianity Today Magazine:

"...year after year, China's Communist leaders continue to harass pastors, seize and destroy church property, and imprison Christians. (The Chinese government also persecutes other religious groups...) In addition to religious abuse, the Chinese state sanctions mandatory abortions, forced sterilizations, trafficking in human organs (99% which come from the estimated 15,000 executions performed each year, according to Amnesty International) arbitrary arrest, child labor, and the exploitation of prisoners. Human Rights Watch, Amnesty International, the U.S. Commission on International Religious Freedom, and other organizations have performed a great service in documenting these abuses of human rights....for years China's leadership has recognized American protests about human-rights abuses; China spurns those complaints as self-righteous meddling by foreigners."

The U.S Department of State (www.state.gov) adds:

"We began 2003 with hopes that the incremental but unprecedented progress in China seen in 2002 would be continued and expanded; however, we saw backsliding on key human rights issues. Arrest of democracy activists, individuals discussing subjects deemed sensitive by the Government on the Internet....

...The Chinese Government's record in Tibet remains poor and ongoing abuses include execution without due process, torture, arbitrary arrest, detention without public trial and lengthy detention of Tibetans for peacefully expressing their political or religious views.

And let's not even discuss their terrifying record on arms sales around the world...
I'm just one person in a country about to hit the 300 million mark. It won't make a bit of difference if I give Wal-Mart and the Dollar Store a wide berth come the Christian holiday of Christmas, but, sorry, China, you ain't getting a penny from me.